Screaming and Swearing at Your Wife Will Destroy the Marriage for Husb…
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id="mod_9527714">Screaming and swearing
When couples resort to screaming, yelling and swearing at each other the respect and the foundation of the marriage will deteriorate. A spouse under no circumstance has the right to treat the other person in that manner. The end result of this type of communication is that the person who is being screamed at will eventually become numb to their spouse and all of the love, affection and respect that they once had for them will vanish. When two people who care about one another disrespect each other in this way than neither persons point will be taken to heart and there will be no resolution to the problem.
Being a bully
Screaming and swearing is a part of being a bully and trying to dominate and control the other person in the marriage. The person doing the screaming may think that they have gotten the other person to change or agree with them but the truth of the matter is, is that they just bullied their spouse. No one likes to be screamed at or called names; the person who uses this type of communication usually has low self esteem and a lack of proper communication skills, as well as acting immature.
Stop taking the abuse
If your spouse treats you in this manner then you must put a stop to it, this is unacceptable behavior and must not be tolerated.
The screaming typically is associated with being a man but this is not always the case, as women can bully their husbands as well.
How does a person change their circumstance? The answer is to walk away from the bully leaving them to yell at themselves, do not engage a bully. You have to stand up for yourself and not allow this to happen. Many times a spouse will justify their behavior and say that they can't control the screaming or they have a short temper, or other excuses that they can think of. The truth is that most people can control their temper, but they choose not to because you have allowed them to get away with the bad behavior.
One way to prove this scenario that they do indeed have control is: Ask yourself these questions, do they fly off the handle at work? Do they act this way around friends? Do they act this way in public? Have you seen them control their temper? If you answered yes to any of these questions then the spouse that is bullying you can control their temper they are just chosing not to around you.
If your spouse truly can't control their temper then, you need to leave and stay with someone safe, that is a person who has allowed themselves to be out of control and may become violent. This is more prevalent in a spouse that gets angered after drinking or is taking drugs. Most people are able to control themselves if expected to.
Leaving
The majority of bulling from a spouse though can be controlled and if you want the name calling and yelling to stop then you must do something dramatic to let them know that you are serious and you have had enough. Living in a marriage with a spouse that yells at you and calls you names is not normal and can be very damaging to yourself esteem and to raising children in that type of environment. Tell your spouse calmly and directly that you will leave the next time that they behave in this manner and put an end to it now, but make sure that you do leave!
Does your spouse yell at you
When your spouse yells at you how does it make you feel?
Loss respect for them
Bad about myself
Angry
Scared
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sendingFloridaWife
13 months ago
My husband is abusive and demeaning, threatening and controlling. It's impossible to love someone that abuses you. Get out.
xxx mom son fuck HD movies
4 years ago
My husband shouts at me everyday for very little things it's been 3 years now I am just fed up of this we have 2 gals , 2.5 , and 3 months . Don't know what to do please help me
Emma Sam
5 years ago
Your post is such a comfort cause I always think that I am wrong expecting respect from people but most of all from my husband. It is such a devastating life to feel this kind of abuse and like it was said, most of the time the financial issue is always the reason why we get stuck in it. Where will I go with the kids and the dog? Who will believe me since he looks like an angel. And then the questions, what do you do to make him react like that.
Why is it that the abuser becomes the victim?? I really wish I had a way to get out of this without living in the street and loosing everything. I can't do that to my kids even if I live this life, they don't deserve to have no place to call home except here. People can judge us but we are doing it for the kids and not because we don't have strenght but we have no way out. I have look and thought day and night to see how I can get out of this hell hole but I can't see.
I met a nice lady last year and told her my story. She was an ex abused emotionaly wife like me and she was trying to guide me to a place where women shared their stories but I didn't want to go because I have enough of my pain without hearing theirs.
I always hope to have the winning numbers but I know it's just a dream. Reality is different and until the kids are able to manage on their own, I can't see a way out.
My husband always says that I am responsible because I don't understand how he is but yes I do. I just choose to shut up so I don,t put oil on the very big fire. I can say he has been abusive in many different ways for the last 12 years and his temper is getting worst. I have suggested to him to go seek help with a doctor but he keeps saying that if I wouldn't talk he would not get upset.
F.. u, bitch, dumb ass , idiot, you name it he will tell me but the worst part of all this , is that I will tell him nicely. apologize to me so I can just forget and then he will tell me more and scream more. Those words are worst than a knife, the cuts are huge and bleeding and bleeding and his destruction will not stop. But the worst is that now my teenage daughter is now paying disrespect to me like she saw her dad do. I know it's pathetic but no way out. None, really none. I just have to pray and endure until I can get out of this.
I really pray hard every day that there is a light and a possibility for me for a better life ...without him.
Thank you all for sharing, it helps me to see that I am not
PandoraZbox
5 years ago
My husband has yelled and tried to control since we meet! Loses his temper at the drop of a hat! He is from NJ and I believe men from that area have learned to react like blubbering idiots! He yells so loud that I'm sure my neighbors here it! I'm shaking as I type and recently put on meds Yes! I'm on medications, not him!! I think someday he will just stroke out! I have told him I'm leaving but I never do!! If you have any type of concerns concerning where and ways to use xxx mom son fuck HD movies, you could call us at our own web-page. He can't control it!! I'm going to try leaving when the outbursts occur, that's means I will be leaving everyday!!
I need prayer too!!!!
coffeemate
5 years ago
Nobody should be subjected.to verbal abuse.
Swearing is verbal VOMIT.
Immature undisciplined and completely unacceptable. In children and OF COURSE in adults. Who are expected to be role models. Of their gender. Mom or Dad.
susan64
5 years ago
I am so overwhelmed that so many women are going thru this
Linda
5 years ago
I try to walk away but he hold the two year old and tells me I can go but he's keeping our son. How do I handle that? Then I feel I can't leave without my two year old. Usually when he yells at me (in front of our son) I calmly say don't talk to me like that. He yells and says he can talk to me any way he wants. How do I handle situations like this?
dee
6 years ago
The story from the husband who had an argument when ttakig out his phone at dinner? If there has been discussion already...why not enjoy dinner without the phone. You wanted a thank you for the meal prepared but while grocery shopping made a conscious choice not to say thank you about the wife putting your favorite pie in the basket because after all..she didn't make it? It was a nice gesture correct? DEAR SAD NORTH!!! you have me to talk to if you like...just let me know. DEAR DAWN: good work on this site and topic. You are appreciated. Looking forward to more.
BunBoHue
6 years ago
My wife gets raging mad at the slightest perceived infraction. For example "be careful" means I think she isn't careful. She gets up in my face, bullying me and calls me names. I have seen her do this to a neighbor once. My mom saw the last episode and was shocked by it. It's not terribly loud but it is aggressive. She denies she is angry but she thinks I am always angry. I think her angry mindset makes the entire world seem angry. I am at the end of my rope. My kids are aware of this. My teen boys feel bad for me. The oldest saw a therapist last year to deal with her. Now he is away at college but she did this last episode when we were Skyping and I could see the distress on his face from her aggressive tone to me. My middle teen knows she wants to split the family up and he doesn't want to live with her. She blames me for her relationship issues with him. The youngest teen is a girl and is closer to her and is treated better. If I leave my middle teen will leave with me. She has been violent with him which was witnessed by a therapist. When I have taken my kids to therapists to deal with deaths in the family and a friend's suicide she usually doesn't attend the sessions. I need to protect my kids and need to get away from her. I hope the therapists will be able to act as witnesses in a custody battles. I wish she would leave but I doubt she will. It's up to me I guess. I hope it doesn't hurt my chances of keeping my kids. She will say I abandoned them.
sad upnorth
6 years ago
My husband screams at me and calls me names when he is mad. He has been physical with me on several different occasions. He blames me every time he can't control himself. I am a stay at home mom. I have no one to talk to. I have told my family about the verbal, but not the physical abuse and they tell me to try counseling or make excuses for him. I am so scared and lonely. I never in a million years thought that this would be my life.
Connie Sumner
6 years ago
My husband is a Lutheran Minister. We have been married 20 years. We get along great util... I disagree with him about ANYTHING. He screams, he gets this hate-face, and points his finger at me. No one would ever suspect this behavior. I am SO tired of it.
Mariastory
6 years ago
I have a husband that is always screaming at me. This abuse is so bad we have together for 22 yrs married 20yrs I have never told anyone what I go through with him I am covering up for him. I know he cheats I have asked for a divorce he said he can't afford it.My children know what I put with they have seen him in action. I have nothing and no place to go I want to leave him so bad I am Stuck.I have gotten sick with my nerves have no friend's I don't know what happen to me. I look in the mirror and don't know the person looking back. Comments welcome I need help!
BeyondHurt79
6 years ago
I have been with my husband for 16 years and married 14. He was sweet and kind in the beginning, but over the years the cussing and yelling at me has gotten much worse to the point of our children telling me that I need to make changes... Im just so tired and just don't know what to do :'(
crystal
6 years ago
My Husband spits on me call me names throws things at me tells me to leave tells me i am worthless everything my fault lazy trash a b he makes fun of me he says what u gonna do if i leave he will take r son he slams things yells at strangers while we walk down street he jelous of my friends sometimes tells me i can't go to church i don't smoke drink i cook clean take care of are son go to church since my Husband only one working he tells i cant shut bedroom door can shut tv off anytime he wants the bed his he payed for it sleep on couch my heart is broken i tried getting work but since i am not he says he can treat me ant way he wants including spitting is he right? I am trying really hard but he always finds fault in me why? I rearly get out out house he always punishes me it feels like advice i am broken :(
Nathan
6 years ago
To the men on here that are being verbally abused by their wives...you can do one thing specifically to make her get her attitude in check. When she starts screaming at you, get up, stand up tall and get right up into her face, like an inch away and make sure your body is pressing against hers. Then tell her to repeat what she says now...women fear physical confrontation from men and she will back down quickly. She will realize she does not have control and that ultimately you have the upper hand physically. Though you would never strike her ever for any reason, it shows her on an instinct level that you are the more dominate one. Do the same exact thing if she threatens to hit you. Tell her to go ahead when you are in her face. It will feel unnatural but she will get the point quick and will probably get more physical in a good way with you down the road...tried this with my abusive wife and it changed 180degrees. You are standing your ground not as a victim running away from her but as an aggressive alpha male who won't tolerate such behavior.
AUTHORDawn Michael
6 years ago from THOUSAND OAKS
Do you control your screaming with everyone else? If the answer is yes then, there are some reasons why you are doing this...how is your intimate life with your wife? Sometimes when couples are not intimate the relationship can become passive aggressive..
notso
6 years ago
During an argument with my wife, I yelled HARD at my wife and while I was yelling I said some really nasty things. Immediately following, I cried uncontrollably. The next morning, went directly to mental health to find out why I got so angry (shaking, short breath, tense, etc...). On the way home from mental health, overwhelming feeling of guilt. My wife wants to leave me. Don't blame her but I advised her I am seeking help with anger. I am feeling so bad that it hurts my body. How can this be fixed?
marriedmanPOV
6 years ago
old thread but never an old topic. To the ladies out there, you can be the offenders, too. Last night my wife went into a rage at 1AM because she discovered I had laundered her bed sheets. Yes. I should have done other laundry that was waiting, not the bed sheets. She went on for two and a half hours, preventing me from sleeping (separate room). All kinds of foul language and insults to my character. She was throwing laundry bins around and screaming that my day the next day was going to be spent doing it all and cleaning her room. I got up and left to the sound of her rage echoing from the house to be heard outside at 3:30AM. I spent what was left of my night in my car parked elsewhere. Needless to say, I have been gone the next day not lifting a finger to her demands.
Victim
7 years ago
Hi everyone, I have the husband like this for the last 13 years. I know it hurt our kids whenever he curses. I many many times ask him not to. But still nothing change. I want to leave so so much whenever that happened but I have no family near, no friends and no money. Life is ended road to me and my kids. I pray but no god answer. All doors and hearts are shut.
Mags
7 years ago
There has to be a place where people like us can talk I get so sad and lonely.
tazzy
7 years ago
My husband and I have been married close to 2 years. I recently packed my bags and left. He is very caring and loving but when he argues he is totally out of control. In the past, he would bring up things about my family that bothered him We would have a discussion and I would just let him know that is was not intentional. He would then start calling them all kinds of names and swearing. At first, I was silent but when I started letting him know its not acceptable, he started swearing at me throwing things around and telling me I am useless, a f----king bitch etc.. I decided to leave when he grabbed my face and was in a rage. In the past, he usually comes back after these outbursts with so much love and affection. Its been so hard because I know what I did was right and yet I still care and miss him and even love him. Is their something wrong with me for feeling this way? I am seeing a councillor and I wrote an email to him which was gentle but firm letting him know that I am standing my ground and will not accept this behaviour. He still can not acknowledge what he has done and will not acknowledge my email either.
DrBlabby
7 years ago
I am in a verbally/emotionally abusive marriage. This is his 3rd marriage - first ended when wife accused him of being abusive/threatening her and hitting her. Didn't know that before I married him. We didn't start out that way. It escalated into screaming, calling me names, isolating me, threatening me, etc. So, I packed up some things and left. He threatened to throw my stuff out on the lawn, change the locks, and divorce me if I left again. I'm trying to get away and he just adds more threats and makes ME the bad guy. He is the most selfish/self centered/narcissistic man I've ever known and acts like a 4 yr old. No talking, pleading, bargaining, tears, etc. works. He is a "finger pointer" and blames me for everything/anything that goes wrong. Did he lose something? My fault. Did he break a promise? My fault. I didn't remind him. I'm no fool and considered a catch. I'm no kid - Mom of 4 grown kids, professional person, independent financially ( he gives me nothing) and he treats me like THIS? Have slept in the other room, refused to talk to him, deflect his nasty comments, (ALL that abuse is done when nobody else is around) ~ and now my kids ask me.. "Mom, what's the attraction?" I moved an hour away from my only baby Grandson, hour from my job, my friends, my family, and HIS family doesn't even come around. They don't like him either. I feel beat up.
JohnP63
7 years ago
I have a spine and brain disability (traumatic brain injury) and have narcolepsy and my wife followed me a long way through my injury, but lately she has become very mean to me. She thinks I am lazy, but she knew me well before I was injured and I worked very hard at my job, building my house, which I owned before the marriage. Over the past year my wife has become very abusive. Did you know that I let my wife's father live in my house for 3 years, free food, room & board while my wife ran him all over the place. Some wealthy people live next door & have become friends with my wife, who takes him over there to work. Its my vehicle my wife is driving over there. I give her free ticket to US and she is from Asia & she's over there running me down talking me down to my family, friends, church and others we both used to know, when I meet people the people hate my guts. I looked at a piece of paper they tried to throw in the trash, but missed & behind the trash can & was wife's dad's savings budget. His most recent incomes $11,200. Sad part the way my wife yells at me she has told him & our daughters do not respect me at all. We got out of the truck to go to the airport I had to make an extra effort to say good bye, much less for the man to thank me, & I had to literally initiate him to shake my hand. My wife says this man is the best Christian she has ever known in a man. I'm sure he thinks his daughter is s great leader but according to them I guess she's the one running everything & she or he didn't thank me. You want to hear another reason why he treats me bad as well as his daughter? He just got his US citizenship a month ago, which was probably the whole goal before I married her. I feel like I've been used the whole time through this whole 22 year ordeal. I have smiled, provided, uplifting, kind, inspired, support. She has done was she was supposed to do for years and is sick of it and is not listening to me any more.
My psychologist told me today my wife married for the money after my wife explained to her cousin 22 years ago, before I marred her, at the kitchen table bragging how much money this American made. This is where I am right now this is why I'm so depressed and sick............
I am going through someone screaming in my face for 1 hour straight during the day saying "So you want a divorce don't you, DIVORCE IS WHAT YOU WANT???? Over and over. Screaming like yelling at someone up the street. This is emotional abuse and ive been through enough emotional abuse from my injury. Why does she do this?
What do I do, because I have a significant brain injury and can't take much more and this is hurting me deeply emotionally. Help.
Thebus559
7 years ago
I don't know what to do. I just got married 8 months ago an or the 1st month it was great. Then the arguing started. My wife started fighting with me over the smallest things. We had dinner last night everything was going great I got an update in my phone and I wanted to read it. So I tried to read it when my wife has a fit about me being on my phone all the time. Mind you we had an argument about this before and it was never resolved because she does not like to talk about things. There is never a good moment for me to play a game or to read something online unless I'm at work. She saids I need to put it way because we for spend time together. But what she really wants is for me to be her butler and give her every need and want she desires. This week I cooked every single meal except for when we went out last night. Not one single acknowledgement did I get. So we didn't talk to each other all night and we went to sleep. When she leaves do work he saids bye jerk I'm leaving. Then today when I get home I cook for her and myself. I left her a plate and I went to the gym. I come home and she's short with me. I asked her if she are her food and she said yes thank you... Finally something!!! We don't talk in the living room looking at tv for 2 hours. I asked her if she need anything from the store and If she would like to come. She made a smart remark asking why I didn't just ask her to go with me instead of saying I she need anything. So we go and we shop. She puts in the basket my favorite pie. I did not say thank you because it's not like she made it. We were just gathering items. She asks to go to another store and she wants to buy beauty products she does not need but we go anyway to avoid a fight about that. We get home and we are talking a bit more she grabs a snack and I drink some water. When I go grab a snack I had just finished it she immediately ask me to throw it away. I told her I will in a bit. Then she say NO NOW. That just ticked me off and I refused I told her kindly that I will throw it away in a moment. She did not take no for an answer and even said "why was I talking back to her?" Really I'm not her child for her to talk to me that way never have I told her why she talks back to me or anything near it. We keep arguing to the point where she says we are do e watching this movie and turns off the tv and she's going to bed. Never once did she tell me let's go to bed. So I stayed and I finished watching the movie. I go to our bedroom and she's woken up (20 minutes) and tells me to go sleep somewhere else. I say no she chickled and I slide to the bed and she refused to move over so I can fit . So I move my hips towards her and she gets angry saying that I need to leave and that all I needed to do was to ask her to move over. She then starts calling me a bitch and that I'm less of man and that I need to leave our room. I kept saying no but I need to go to work tomorrow so I gave in. She keeps poking at me trying to get under my skin and to the point that I snapped and yelled at her I told her to fucking do it and get it over with what the fuck if you want the divorce do it! She laughs and says I keep talking about it so I want it so I stopped talking to her and went to sleep in the guest bedroom. I feel horrible and I want my marriage to work what do I do?
K
7 years ago
Relationship books will tell you 70% or more men cheat.It doesn't talk about how dirty men are with women.Also men talk about women who are stupid for them..The men I know do treat docile women worse than aggressive women because they take their crap.They bring their girlfriends home in front of their wives and laugh at them and call them stupid.They cheat, spend their money on strippers and drugs.They laugh at them with the women and call them stupid.The docile women always get it worse because they take the crap off men.Dumb and docile women.When this women decides to leave him for his behavior shes usually stuck with his kids while he partys and screws everything he get during the seperation.During that time he usuallky laughs at her and calls her dumb , when they get back together hes worse,he has new girlfriends.He just partied his ass off while she sat with the kids.
mary
7 years ago
wow this is really good. But in no way does the Bible say to leave your husband or wife unless he ir she has been unfaithful!!! I have had over 38 years of my husband yelling at me continuously over petty things, I have yet to leave him!! He has not had any affairs at all. I pray that other women or men who are in the situation as I am where they are yelled and screamed at and threatened will have the courage to pray and pray to be able to endure the words and yelling given to them!!! Things may not change but at least you will be able to endure!
rich
7 years ago
i just yelled at my wife for being stubborn to the point i just got enough of her crap. i feet that what i did had a tremendous impact towards her and now i feel bad to want everything back to normal. she is stubborn, strong minded, and a reaction to my action. i don't want to lose her but i know her and is fading away. i just have to suck it up and move on...lesson learn and moving on
kim
8 years ago
I am in this situation right now. For 12 years I have tried everything short of leaving and that is what really needed to happen. Thank you for making the point that these bullies can control their anger outside the home--that part of my husband drives me crazy. To me, talking to someone about a problem should work, but in this case it doesn't. I need to pack my bags and be ready for the next time he yells at me...there will be a next time, unfortunately.
Tara
8 years ago
Hi ive been living with my husband for 10 years and over this period of time he has become a bully always swearing and shouting and I have finally snapped and told my self I have the right to live my life without fear I have the right to breath the air without being frighted. And every day has been a beautiful day and will be a beautiful life because I say so Me I have a voice I have a life
Aj
8 years ago
Its not always the man at fault, some women are very calculating individuals that treat there husbands like puppets, especially when kids are involved . I believe more education needs to happen way before any marriage certificate is handed out . 42percent of marriages now end in divorce all because we don't have the resources to educate both men and women prior to marriage . The kids then witness this behaviour by both parents and it becomes a big circle. I believe in 20 years time marriagge will be a thing that is frowned upon in society
MT
8 years ago
I understand what this is like because I have someone who abuses me for so long. Its hard because when you live in silence for so long you are emotional and all you want to do is cry and stick up for yourself. The moment you reach for air and say anything they hurt you with their words or actions and all you do is become someone who just wants to speak up.
Battered women are often blamed for fighting back, swearing or crying for help. But it is emotionally abusive of their husbands to put them in that position. They become someone else and all they have are their voices and even that is strangled.
Two wrongs don't make a right.
TO NOTURNINGBACK: I feel for you and I understand what it is like to be with someone with a substance abuse problem. It is very hard watching them hurt themselves and you in the process and any chances of a future together. It is a silent death and I hope you find a way to get yourself through it.
noturningback
8 years ago from Edgewater, MD. USA
I am this person at times; this is not due to my having low self-esteem, it is due to my wife not desiring to treat her substance abuse problem and the underlying stem of that condition which is low self-esteem and depression.
It is not my intent to lead her or control her, but it is an attempt to save her from herself.
I do realize that once the voices raise the ears close and so even if this happens, I later come back to her to try again to get her to seek help, this has been going on now for three plus years, with her in and out of rehabs.
There is no easy answer here and if I have offended her or anyone else by my admission I am sorry and I nam trying to hold our family together (have a 17 yr. old daughter) I know I cant make her change, but it is pure hell watching her kill herself and our family by being so resistant.
I am not letting go as of yet, but we both need help and I am searching here as well as through my church, family and friends and yes we have been to counseling, but she can't seem to be honest about her using unless prompted and hen I try to love her, I find her high and unaware and incapable of responding to my attempts at affection.
I realize this is one sided and I know I play a major role here as husband and father, so I am looking for advice if any can be found.
Joy
8 years ago
Great reading all the comment, right on the mark, am in this position and been married for close to eight years now and nothing seems to change, ave been blamed for his shoutings, but funny it starter right after our honey moon, wish i had seen this part of him while we were dating, he leaves me with no money, and the kids and I solely depend on him, makes it almost impossible for me to keep a job, am leaving this year and just trying to save up all i can , i agree with JM1, u know everytime he says we should talk, he is actually saying, u keep quiet while i talk, everything i say makes no sense, i wish i had realized what i was getting myself into.its a horrible relationship to be in.
jm1
8 years ago
Wow, this is our relationship. Just leave you say. I have said I would and he says to go ahead. I don't think he would really care. Then he could live and do anything he wanted more so than he does now. Our world revolves around him.
He is a bully and I have said so to him. He is narcissistic from what I have read.
Any communication we have ends up being a yelling match and so I just stop. When he wants to talk it is me listening to him. If I talk he disagrees with all of what I say, so when I tell him I do not want to talk he get angry. We cannot make progress.
We went to a marriage counselor once. What a joke. My husband did all the talking!! We argued all the way home.
He does act like his in public sometimes and then I am really embarrassed! Embarrassed that others think he is like that and I put up with it! He will yell in the phone at me from work where all co-workers can hear.
Help!
Thanks in advance.
Danielle Burns
9 years ago
My husband of only 6 months has a really bad habit of this. He works out of town a lot, for weeks at a time. So he does this to me over the phone. What is a good way for me to handle that?
AUTHORDawn Michael
9 years ago from THOUSAND OAKS
Hi mwatkins, thank-you for the great comment so true what you said about trust being earned, and being a bully, that is always the sign of a truly weak person!
mwatkins
9 years ago from Portland, Oregon bang on," right on! I've been in this place, and had to leave and the scars last a lifetime when it happens to you. Trust is a long time earned and a short time lost. Thank you for your insight, and excellent advice! No one Can make anyone else do anything they don't want or choose to do. The,"You made me excuse," is no better than the grade school playground when the bully pulls the girls hair and when he gets caught his only excuse is, "she made me do it." And, as you say, the roles can be reversed too! I worked in child support for one year and couldn't stand it one more day because of this. I felt like the kids stuck in the middle would be better off if they were orphans - that's when I knew I had to leave. I wish I could give you 2 thumbs up!
AUTHORDawn Michael
10 years ago from THOUSAND OAKS
Hi izettl, yes mental illness can be a problem, but there are meds for that and my saying is still, he should get help and take the proper medication so that he is not putting his family through that emotional wave. Mental illness, can be managed. I have worked with many peole that have bipolar personality and when they take care of themselves with medication, theray, exercise, good nutrition, they can lead a fairly normal life, but many of them instead of getting help decide to self medicate with drugs and booze, and that is just not acceptable, when there is a family involved!
Laura Izett-Irwin
10 years ago from The Great Northwest
yes, I agree with you. My husband was like this, but was then diagnosed with major depressive disorder so he takes medication for it. Sometimes they switch meds he is on and that process brings a lot of the past out of him until the new med kicks in. This is also something that people need to know- sometimes it's not shared blame, espcially if it's a mental illness. Many women get blamed for men' anger or bullying behavior. Men will say "YOU make me mad", blaming the wife. THank you for these hubs, I refer to them often.
AUTHORDawn Michael
10 years ago from THOUSAND OAKS
Thank-you for your commentPuebloman and Eiddwen!
Izettl, the one thing that a bully does is he breaks down your self esteem and self worth and makes you feel like you have nowhere to turn. the truth is that you have to pick you and your kids up and go to a woman?s shelter and tell him that you are staying there until he gets help, there is always something that you can do, you have to believe that you can do it, or if you have a place to go where is cant get to or you are safe, friends, parents, church. You have to look at this from a point that he is so insecure that he is bulling you; you need to take back the power and not be a victim. Do you really want the kids to grow up in this atmosphere?
Laura Izett-Irwin
10 years ago from The Great Northwest
I saw this relationship growing up and experienced it some myself and often wondered how people "just leave". If it's not physical abuse, sadly, it is tolerable because your life really isn't in immediate danger. Women who are bullied and burdened by these types of men usually don't have money or means to leave. I see this scenario so often. How do people just leave with kids and no money, sometimes no job, and nowhere else to go? How do they stick up for themselves when it's apparent they have no bargaining power?
Eiddwen
10 years ago from Wales
Loved this one again and I agree you don't get anywhere by screaming and shouting abuse at each other.
puebloman
10 years ago from Andalucia, Spain
Hilarious! Aren't rows usually between two people? Or in your household does one person stand still and suffer while the other lets out?
And how do you get these great photos? Are they courtesy of your neighbours? Who is the little boy with his hands over his ears? Has he been told that he's helping to save marriages?
AUTHORDawn Michael
10 years ago from THOUSAND OAKS
Hi happyher thank-you for the comment and visiting my hub!
Hi akirchner, thank-you for your comment!
Audrey Kirchner
10 years ago from Washington
I always think anyone can be a bully - it takes more of a person to actually work at being polite and kind - no matter HOW many years you have been together! Great article, Dawn!
Tracy Morrow
10 years ago from Cleveland, OH
I love the points you've brought up. There are better ways to communicate without yelling or becoming verbally abusive.
AUTHORDawn Michael
10 years ago from THOUSAND OAKS
thanks Carole (mom) for the comment....lol
Hi rodolphe, thank-you for the comment and I will have to read yours as I have commented on one of your hubs before, I love the honesty in your writing and of course you can link me. All the best!
rodolphe
10 years ago from Montreal,Quebec
I love your new hub page, Its really an eye opener. You are invited to visit my new hub: Ladies, stop it! Oh I have to ask you about this one! I linked the word shouting on my page to your new hub page? They are a bit
similar for the subjects, except mine is just as an amateur and yours as a professional. (a big difference)
If you have any objections to this let me know. My e-mail
is rudycote@gmail. If you want it removed just let me know, and I will remove it right away.
All the best, rodolphe
Carole
10 years ago
Great Dawn. This one really hits home and getting it under control is so important. great hub keep it up
AUTHORDawn Michael
10 years ago from THOUSAND OAKS
ahorseback, yes true, sometimesyou can tell though! thank-you for visiting my hub
Hi Benjimester, thak-you for your comments and I enjoy reading your hubs too!
Hi Daddy Paul yes respect is the foundation that is true with any relationship!
Daddy Paul
10 years ago from Michigan
"the respect and the foundation of the marriage will deteriorate"
Great read. I think respect is a big key.
Benji Mester
10 years ago from San Diego, California
"Do they fly off the handle at work? Do they act this way around friends? Do they act this way in public?" Very excellent questions. Really puts it in perspective. Awesome hub. Bravo!
ahorseback
10 years ago
I have always been amazed at finding out who , among the people we know, are like this, It's also an instant turn off to relating to these people as friends or whatever, for me. Such passive abuse. great hub.
AUTHORDawn Michael
10 years ago from THOUSAND OAKS
Hi Puts Ballard, thank-you for your comment and yes so true about once spoken you cant take back, its better to just keep to your self in the heat of the moment....lol
Putz Ballard
10 years ago
A wise man once told me he gets the last word when arguing with his wife, "Yes Ma'am" Words can't be taken back and once spoken and will return to haunt Great hub.
When couples resort to screaming, yelling and swearing at each other the respect and the foundation of the marriage will deteriorate. A spouse under no circumstance has the right to treat the other person in that manner. The end result of this type of communication is that the person who is being screamed at will eventually become numb to their spouse and all of the love, affection and respect that they once had for them will vanish. When two people who care about one another disrespect each other in this way than neither persons point will be taken to heart and there will be no resolution to the problem.
Being a bully
Screaming and swearing is a part of being a bully and trying to dominate and control the other person in the marriage. The person doing the screaming may think that they have gotten the other person to change or agree with them but the truth of the matter is, is that they just bullied their spouse. No one likes to be screamed at or called names; the person who uses this type of communication usually has low self esteem and a lack of proper communication skills, as well as acting immature.
Stop taking the abuse
If your spouse treats you in this manner then you must put a stop to it, this is unacceptable behavior and must not be tolerated.
The screaming typically is associated with being a man but this is not always the case, as women can bully their husbands as well.
How does a person change their circumstance? The answer is to walk away from the bully leaving them to yell at themselves, do not engage a bully. You have to stand up for yourself and not allow this to happen. Many times a spouse will justify their behavior and say that they can't control the screaming or they have a short temper, or other excuses that they can think of. The truth is that most people can control their temper, but they choose not to because you have allowed them to get away with the bad behavior.
One way to prove this scenario that they do indeed have control is: Ask yourself these questions, do they fly off the handle at work? Do they act this way around friends? Do they act this way in public? Have you seen them control their temper? If you answered yes to any of these questions then the spouse that is bullying you can control their temper they are just chosing not to around you.
If your spouse truly can't control their temper then, you need to leave and stay with someone safe, that is a person who has allowed themselves to be out of control and may become violent. This is more prevalent in a spouse that gets angered after drinking or is taking drugs. Most people are able to control themselves if expected to.
Leaving
The majority of bulling from a spouse though can be controlled and if you want the name calling and yelling to stop then you must do something dramatic to let them know that you are serious and you have had enough. Living in a marriage with a spouse that yells at you and calls you names is not normal and can be very damaging to yourself esteem and to raising children in that type of environment. Tell your spouse calmly and directly that you will leave the next time that they behave in this manner and put an end to it now, but make sure that you do leave!
Does your spouse yell at you
When your spouse yells at you how does it make you feel?
Loss respect for them
Bad about myself
Angry
Scared
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sendingFloridaWife
13 months ago
My husband is abusive and demeaning, threatening and controlling. It's impossible to love someone that abuses you. Get out.
xxx mom son fuck HD movies
4 years ago
My husband shouts at me everyday for very little things it's been 3 years now I am just fed up of this we have 2 gals , 2.5 , and 3 months . Don't know what to do please help me
Emma Sam
5 years ago
Your post is such a comfort cause I always think that I am wrong expecting respect from people but most of all from my husband. It is such a devastating life to feel this kind of abuse and like it was said, most of the time the financial issue is always the reason why we get stuck in it. Where will I go with the kids and the dog? Who will believe me since he looks like an angel. And then the questions, what do you do to make him react like that.
Why is it that the abuser becomes the victim?? I really wish I had a way to get out of this without living in the street and loosing everything. I can't do that to my kids even if I live this life, they don't deserve to have no place to call home except here. People can judge us but we are doing it for the kids and not because we don't have strenght but we have no way out. I have look and thought day and night to see how I can get out of this hell hole but I can't see.
I met a nice lady last year and told her my story. She was an ex abused emotionaly wife like me and she was trying to guide me to a place where women shared their stories but I didn't want to go because I have enough of my pain without hearing theirs.
I always hope to have the winning numbers but I know it's just a dream. Reality is different and until the kids are able to manage on their own, I can't see a way out.
My husband always says that I am responsible because I don't understand how he is but yes I do. I just choose to shut up so I don,t put oil on the very big fire. I can say he has been abusive in many different ways for the last 12 years and his temper is getting worst. I have suggested to him to go seek help with a doctor but he keeps saying that if I wouldn't talk he would not get upset.
F.. u, bitch, dumb ass , idiot, you name it he will tell me but the worst part of all this , is that I will tell him nicely. apologize to me so I can just forget and then he will tell me more and scream more. Those words are worst than a knife, the cuts are huge and bleeding and bleeding and his destruction will not stop. But the worst is that now my teenage daughter is now paying disrespect to me like she saw her dad do. I know it's pathetic but no way out. None, really none. I just have to pray and endure until I can get out of this.
I really pray hard every day that there is a light and a possibility for me for a better life ...without him.
Thank you all for sharing, it helps me to see that I am not
PandoraZbox
5 years ago
My husband has yelled and tried to control since we meet! Loses his temper at the drop of a hat! He is from NJ and I believe men from that area have learned to react like blubbering idiots! He yells so loud that I'm sure my neighbors here it! I'm shaking as I type and recently put on meds Yes! I'm on medications, not him!! I think someday he will just stroke out! I have told him I'm leaving but I never do!! If you have any type of concerns concerning where and ways to use xxx mom son fuck HD movies, you could call us at our own web-page. He can't control it!! I'm going to try leaving when the outbursts occur, that's means I will be leaving everyday!!
I need prayer too!!!!
coffeemate
5 years ago
Nobody should be subjected.to verbal abuse.
Swearing is verbal VOMIT.
Immature undisciplined and completely unacceptable. In children and OF COURSE in adults. Who are expected to be role models. Of their gender. Mom or Dad.
susan64
5 years ago
I am so overwhelmed that so many women are going thru this
Linda
5 years ago
I try to walk away but he hold the two year old and tells me I can go but he's keeping our son. How do I handle that? Then I feel I can't leave without my two year old. Usually when he yells at me (in front of our son) I calmly say don't talk to me like that. He yells and says he can talk to me any way he wants. How do I handle situations like this?
dee
6 years ago
The story from the husband who had an argument when ttakig out his phone at dinner? If there has been discussion already...why not enjoy dinner without the phone. You wanted a thank you for the meal prepared but while grocery shopping made a conscious choice not to say thank you about the wife putting your favorite pie in the basket because after all..she didn't make it? It was a nice gesture correct? DEAR SAD NORTH!!! you have me to talk to if you like...just let me know. DEAR DAWN: good work on this site and topic. You are appreciated. Looking forward to more.
BunBoHue
6 years ago
My wife gets raging mad at the slightest perceived infraction. For example "be careful" means I think she isn't careful. She gets up in my face, bullying me and calls me names. I have seen her do this to a neighbor once. My mom saw the last episode and was shocked by it. It's not terribly loud but it is aggressive. She denies she is angry but she thinks I am always angry. I think her angry mindset makes the entire world seem angry. I am at the end of my rope. My kids are aware of this. My teen boys feel bad for me. The oldest saw a therapist last year to deal with her. Now he is away at college but she did this last episode when we were Skyping and I could see the distress on his face from her aggressive tone to me. My middle teen knows she wants to split the family up and he doesn't want to live with her. She blames me for her relationship issues with him. The youngest teen is a girl and is closer to her and is treated better. If I leave my middle teen will leave with me. She has been violent with him which was witnessed by a therapist. When I have taken my kids to therapists to deal with deaths in the family and a friend's suicide she usually doesn't attend the sessions. I need to protect my kids and need to get away from her. I hope the therapists will be able to act as witnesses in a custody battles. I wish she would leave but I doubt she will. It's up to me I guess. I hope it doesn't hurt my chances of keeping my kids. She will say I abandoned them.
sad upnorth
6 years ago
My husband screams at me and calls me names when he is mad. He has been physical with me on several different occasions. He blames me every time he can't control himself. I am a stay at home mom. I have no one to talk to. I have told my family about the verbal, but not the physical abuse and they tell me to try counseling or make excuses for him. I am so scared and lonely. I never in a million years thought that this would be my life.
Connie Sumner
6 years ago
My husband is a Lutheran Minister. We have been married 20 years. We get along great util... I disagree with him about ANYTHING. He screams, he gets this hate-face, and points his finger at me. No one would ever suspect this behavior. I am SO tired of it.
Mariastory
6 years ago
I have a husband that is always screaming at me. This abuse is so bad we have together for 22 yrs married 20yrs I have never told anyone what I go through with him I am covering up for him. I know he cheats I have asked for a divorce he said he can't afford it.My children know what I put with they have seen him in action. I have nothing and no place to go I want to leave him so bad I am Stuck.I have gotten sick with my nerves have no friend's I don't know what happen to me. I look in the mirror and don't know the person looking back. Comments welcome I need help!
BeyondHurt79
6 years ago
I have been with my husband for 16 years and married 14. He was sweet and kind in the beginning, but over the years the cussing and yelling at me has gotten much worse to the point of our children telling me that I need to make changes... Im just so tired and just don't know what to do :'(
crystal
6 years ago
My Husband spits on me call me names throws things at me tells me to leave tells me i am worthless everything my fault lazy trash a b he makes fun of me he says what u gonna do if i leave he will take r son he slams things yells at strangers while we walk down street he jelous of my friends sometimes tells me i can't go to church i don't smoke drink i cook clean take care of are son go to church since my Husband only one working he tells i cant shut bedroom door can shut tv off anytime he wants the bed his he payed for it sleep on couch my heart is broken i tried getting work but since i am not he says he can treat me ant way he wants including spitting is he right? I am trying really hard but he always finds fault in me why? I rearly get out out house he always punishes me it feels like advice i am broken :(
Nathan
6 years ago
To the men on here that are being verbally abused by their wives...you can do one thing specifically to make her get her attitude in check. When she starts screaming at you, get up, stand up tall and get right up into her face, like an inch away and make sure your body is pressing against hers. Then tell her to repeat what she says now...women fear physical confrontation from men and she will back down quickly. She will realize she does not have control and that ultimately you have the upper hand physically. Though you would never strike her ever for any reason, it shows her on an instinct level that you are the more dominate one. Do the same exact thing if she threatens to hit you. Tell her to go ahead when you are in her face. It will feel unnatural but she will get the point quick and will probably get more physical in a good way with you down the road...tried this with my abusive wife and it changed 180degrees. You are standing your ground not as a victim running away from her but as an aggressive alpha male who won't tolerate such behavior.
AUTHORDawn Michael
6 years ago from THOUSAND OAKS
Do you control your screaming with everyone else? If the answer is yes then, there are some reasons why you are doing this...how is your intimate life with your wife? Sometimes when couples are not intimate the relationship can become passive aggressive..
notso
6 years ago
During an argument with my wife, I yelled HARD at my wife and while I was yelling I said some really nasty things. Immediately following, I cried uncontrollably. The next morning, went directly to mental health to find out why I got so angry (shaking, short breath, tense, etc...). On the way home from mental health, overwhelming feeling of guilt. My wife wants to leave me. Don't blame her but I advised her I am seeking help with anger. I am feeling so bad that it hurts my body. How can this be fixed?
marriedmanPOV
6 years ago
old thread but never an old topic. To the ladies out there, you can be the offenders, too. Last night my wife went into a rage at 1AM because she discovered I had laundered her bed sheets. Yes. I should have done other laundry that was waiting, not the bed sheets. She went on for two and a half hours, preventing me from sleeping (separate room). All kinds of foul language and insults to my character. She was throwing laundry bins around and screaming that my day the next day was going to be spent doing it all and cleaning her room. I got up and left to the sound of her rage echoing from the house to be heard outside at 3:30AM. I spent what was left of my night in my car parked elsewhere. Needless to say, I have been gone the next day not lifting a finger to her demands.
Victim
7 years ago
Hi everyone, I have the husband like this for the last 13 years. I know it hurt our kids whenever he curses. I many many times ask him not to. But still nothing change. I want to leave so so much whenever that happened but I have no family near, no friends and no money. Life is ended road to me and my kids. I pray but no god answer. All doors and hearts are shut.
Mags
7 years ago
There has to be a place where people like us can talk I get so sad and lonely.
tazzy
7 years ago
My husband and I have been married close to 2 years. I recently packed my bags and left. He is very caring and loving but when he argues he is totally out of control. In the past, he would bring up things about my family that bothered him We would have a discussion and I would just let him know that is was not intentional. He would then start calling them all kinds of names and swearing. At first, I was silent but when I started letting him know its not acceptable, he started swearing at me throwing things around and telling me I am useless, a f----king bitch etc.. I decided to leave when he grabbed my face and was in a rage. In the past, he usually comes back after these outbursts with so much love and affection. Its been so hard because I know what I did was right and yet I still care and miss him and even love him. Is their something wrong with me for feeling this way? I am seeing a councillor and I wrote an email to him which was gentle but firm letting him know that I am standing my ground and will not accept this behaviour. He still can not acknowledge what he has done and will not acknowledge my email either.
DrBlabby
7 years ago
I am in a verbally/emotionally abusive marriage. This is his 3rd marriage - first ended when wife accused him of being abusive/threatening her and hitting her. Didn't know that before I married him. We didn't start out that way. It escalated into screaming, calling me names, isolating me, threatening me, etc. So, I packed up some things and left. He threatened to throw my stuff out on the lawn, change the locks, and divorce me if I left again. I'm trying to get away and he just adds more threats and makes ME the bad guy. He is the most selfish/self centered/narcissistic man I've ever known and acts like a 4 yr old. No talking, pleading, bargaining, tears, etc. works. He is a "finger pointer" and blames me for everything/anything that goes wrong. Did he lose something? My fault. Did he break a promise? My fault. I didn't remind him. I'm no fool and considered a catch. I'm no kid - Mom of 4 grown kids, professional person, independent financially ( he gives me nothing) and he treats me like THIS? Have slept in the other room, refused to talk to him, deflect his nasty comments, (ALL that abuse is done when nobody else is around) ~ and now my kids ask me.. "Mom, what's the attraction?" I moved an hour away from my only baby Grandson, hour from my job, my friends, my family, and HIS family doesn't even come around. They don't like him either. I feel beat up.
JohnP63
7 years ago
I have a spine and brain disability (traumatic brain injury) and have narcolepsy and my wife followed me a long way through my injury, but lately she has become very mean to me. She thinks I am lazy, but she knew me well before I was injured and I worked very hard at my job, building my house, which I owned before the marriage. Over the past year my wife has become very abusive. Did you know that I let my wife's father live in my house for 3 years, free food, room & board while my wife ran him all over the place. Some wealthy people live next door & have become friends with my wife, who takes him over there to work. Its my vehicle my wife is driving over there. I give her free ticket to US and she is from Asia & she's over there running me down talking me down to my family, friends, church and others we both used to know, when I meet people the people hate my guts. I looked at a piece of paper they tried to throw in the trash, but missed & behind the trash can & was wife's dad's savings budget. His most recent incomes $11,200. Sad part the way my wife yells at me she has told him & our daughters do not respect me at all. We got out of the truck to go to the airport I had to make an extra effort to say good bye, much less for the man to thank me, & I had to literally initiate him to shake my hand. My wife says this man is the best Christian she has ever known in a man. I'm sure he thinks his daughter is s great leader but according to them I guess she's the one running everything & she or he didn't thank me. You want to hear another reason why he treats me bad as well as his daughter? He just got his US citizenship a month ago, which was probably the whole goal before I married her. I feel like I've been used the whole time through this whole 22 year ordeal. I have smiled, provided, uplifting, kind, inspired, support. She has done was she was supposed to do for years and is sick of it and is not listening to me any more.
My psychologist told me today my wife married for the money after my wife explained to her cousin 22 years ago, before I marred her, at the kitchen table bragging how much money this American made. This is where I am right now this is why I'm so depressed and sick............
I am going through someone screaming in my face for 1 hour straight during the day saying "So you want a divorce don't you, DIVORCE IS WHAT YOU WANT???? Over and over. Screaming like yelling at someone up the street. This is emotional abuse and ive been through enough emotional abuse from my injury. Why does she do this?
What do I do, because I have a significant brain injury and can't take much more and this is hurting me deeply emotionally. Help.
Thebus559
7 years ago
I don't know what to do. I just got married 8 months ago an or the 1st month it was great. Then the arguing started. My wife started fighting with me over the smallest things. We had dinner last night everything was going great I got an update in my phone and I wanted to read it. So I tried to read it when my wife has a fit about me being on my phone all the time. Mind you we had an argument about this before and it was never resolved because she does not like to talk about things. There is never a good moment for me to play a game or to read something online unless I'm at work. She saids I need to put it way because we for spend time together. But what she really wants is for me to be her butler and give her every need and want she desires. This week I cooked every single meal except for when we went out last night. Not one single acknowledgement did I get. So we didn't talk to each other all night and we went to sleep. When she leaves do work he saids bye jerk I'm leaving. Then today when I get home I cook for her and myself. I left her a plate and I went to the gym. I come home and she's short with me. I asked her if she are her food and she said yes thank you... Finally something!!! We don't talk in the living room looking at tv for 2 hours. I asked her if she need anything from the store and If she would like to come. She made a smart remark asking why I didn't just ask her to go with me instead of saying I she need anything. So we go and we shop. She puts in the basket my favorite pie. I did not say thank you because it's not like she made it. We were just gathering items. She asks to go to another store and she wants to buy beauty products she does not need but we go anyway to avoid a fight about that. We get home and we are talking a bit more she grabs a snack and I drink some water. When I go grab a snack I had just finished it she immediately ask me to throw it away. I told her I will in a bit. Then she say NO NOW. That just ticked me off and I refused I told her kindly that I will throw it away in a moment. She did not take no for an answer and even said "why was I talking back to her?" Really I'm not her child for her to talk to me that way never have I told her why she talks back to me or anything near it. We keep arguing to the point where she says we are do e watching this movie and turns off the tv and she's going to bed. Never once did she tell me let's go to bed. So I stayed and I finished watching the movie. I go to our bedroom and she's woken up (20 minutes) and tells me to go sleep somewhere else. I say no she chickled and I slide to the bed and she refused to move over so I can fit . So I move my hips towards her and she gets angry saying that I need to leave and that all I needed to do was to ask her to move over. She then starts calling me a bitch and that I'm less of man and that I need to leave our room. I kept saying no but I need to go to work tomorrow so I gave in. She keeps poking at me trying to get under my skin and to the point that I snapped and yelled at her I told her to fucking do it and get it over with what the fuck if you want the divorce do it! She laughs and says I keep talking about it so I want it so I stopped talking to her and went to sleep in the guest bedroom. I feel horrible and I want my marriage to work what do I do?
K
7 years ago
Relationship books will tell you 70% or more men cheat.It doesn't talk about how dirty men are with women.Also men talk about women who are stupid for them..The men I know do treat docile women worse than aggressive women because they take their crap.They bring their girlfriends home in front of their wives and laugh at them and call them stupid.They cheat, spend their money on strippers and drugs.They laugh at them with the women and call them stupid.The docile women always get it worse because they take the crap off men.Dumb and docile women.When this women decides to leave him for his behavior shes usually stuck with his kids while he partys and screws everything he get during the seperation.During that time he usuallky laughs at her and calls her dumb , when they get back together hes worse,he has new girlfriends.He just partied his ass off while she sat with the kids.
mary
7 years ago
wow this is really good. But in no way does the Bible say to leave your husband or wife unless he ir she has been unfaithful!!! I have had over 38 years of my husband yelling at me continuously over petty things, I have yet to leave him!! He has not had any affairs at all. I pray that other women or men who are in the situation as I am where they are yelled and screamed at and threatened will have the courage to pray and pray to be able to endure the words and yelling given to them!!! Things may not change but at least you will be able to endure!
rich
7 years ago
i just yelled at my wife for being stubborn to the point i just got enough of her crap. i feet that what i did had a tremendous impact towards her and now i feel bad to want everything back to normal. she is stubborn, strong minded, and a reaction to my action. i don't want to lose her but i know her and is fading away. i just have to suck it up and move on...lesson learn and moving on
kim
8 years ago
I am in this situation right now. For 12 years I have tried everything short of leaving and that is what really needed to happen. Thank you for making the point that these bullies can control their anger outside the home--that part of my husband drives me crazy. To me, talking to someone about a problem should work, but in this case it doesn't. I need to pack my bags and be ready for the next time he yells at me...there will be a next time, unfortunately.
Tara
8 years ago
Hi ive been living with my husband for 10 years and over this period of time he has become a bully always swearing and shouting and I have finally snapped and told my self I have the right to live my life without fear I have the right to breath the air without being frighted. And every day has been a beautiful day and will be a beautiful life because I say so Me I have a voice I have a life
Aj
8 years ago
Its not always the man at fault, some women are very calculating individuals that treat there husbands like puppets, especially when kids are involved . I believe more education needs to happen way before any marriage certificate is handed out . 42percent of marriages now end in divorce all because we don't have the resources to educate both men and women prior to marriage . The kids then witness this behaviour by both parents and it becomes a big circle. I believe in 20 years time marriagge will be a thing that is frowned upon in society
MT
8 years ago
I understand what this is like because I have someone who abuses me for so long. Its hard because when you live in silence for so long you are emotional and all you want to do is cry and stick up for yourself. The moment you reach for air and say anything they hurt you with their words or actions and all you do is become someone who just wants to speak up.
Battered women are often blamed for fighting back, swearing or crying for help. But it is emotionally abusive of their husbands to put them in that position. They become someone else and all they have are their voices and even that is strangled.
Two wrongs don't make a right.
TO NOTURNINGBACK: I feel for you and I understand what it is like to be with someone with a substance abuse problem. It is very hard watching them hurt themselves and you in the process and any chances of a future together. It is a silent death and I hope you find a way to get yourself through it.
noturningback
8 years ago from Edgewater, MD. USA
I am this person at times; this is not due to my having low self-esteem, it is due to my wife not desiring to treat her substance abuse problem and the underlying stem of that condition which is low self-esteem and depression.
It is not my intent to lead her or control her, but it is an attempt to save her from herself.
I do realize that once the voices raise the ears close and so even if this happens, I later come back to her to try again to get her to seek help, this has been going on now for three plus years, with her in and out of rehabs.
There is no easy answer here and if I have offended her or anyone else by my admission I am sorry and I nam trying to hold our family together (have a 17 yr. old daughter) I know I cant make her change, but it is pure hell watching her kill herself and our family by being so resistant.
I am not letting go as of yet, but we both need help and I am searching here as well as through my church, family and friends and yes we have been to counseling, but she can't seem to be honest about her using unless prompted and hen I try to love her, I find her high and unaware and incapable of responding to my attempts at affection.
I realize this is one sided and I know I play a major role here as husband and father, so I am looking for advice if any can be found.
Joy
8 years ago
Great reading all the comment, right on the mark, am in this position and been married for close to eight years now and nothing seems to change, ave been blamed for his shoutings, but funny it starter right after our honey moon, wish i had seen this part of him while we were dating, he leaves me with no money, and the kids and I solely depend on him, makes it almost impossible for me to keep a job, am leaving this year and just trying to save up all i can , i agree with JM1, u know everytime he says we should talk, he is actually saying, u keep quiet while i talk, everything i say makes no sense, i wish i had realized what i was getting myself into.its a horrible relationship to be in.
jm1
8 years ago
Wow, this is our relationship. Just leave you say. I have said I would and he says to go ahead. I don't think he would really care. Then he could live and do anything he wanted more so than he does now. Our world revolves around him.
He is a bully and I have said so to him. He is narcissistic from what I have read.
Any communication we have ends up being a yelling match and so I just stop. When he wants to talk it is me listening to him. If I talk he disagrees with all of what I say, so when I tell him I do not want to talk he get angry. We cannot make progress.
We went to a marriage counselor once. What a joke. My husband did all the talking!! We argued all the way home.
He does act like his in public sometimes and then I am really embarrassed! Embarrassed that others think he is like that and I put up with it! He will yell in the phone at me from work where all co-workers can hear.
Help!
Thanks in advance.
Danielle Burns
9 years ago
My husband of only 6 months has a really bad habit of this. He works out of town a lot, for weeks at a time. So he does this to me over the phone. What is a good way for me to handle that?
AUTHORDawn Michael
9 years ago from THOUSAND OAKS
Hi mwatkins, thank-you for the great comment so true what you said about trust being earned, and being a bully, that is always the sign of a truly weak person!
mwatkins
9 years ago from Portland, Oregon bang on," right on! I've been in this place, and had to leave and the scars last a lifetime when it happens to you. Trust is a long time earned and a short time lost. Thank you for your insight, and excellent advice! No one Can make anyone else do anything they don't want or choose to do. The,"You made me excuse," is no better than the grade school playground when the bully pulls the girls hair and when he gets caught his only excuse is, "she made me do it." And, as you say, the roles can be reversed too! I worked in child support for one year and couldn't stand it one more day because of this. I felt like the kids stuck in the middle would be better off if they were orphans - that's when I knew I had to leave. I wish I could give you 2 thumbs up!
AUTHORDawn Michael
10 years ago from THOUSAND OAKS
Hi izettl, yes mental illness can be a problem, but there are meds for that and my saying is still, he should get help and take the proper medication so that he is not putting his family through that emotional wave. Mental illness, can be managed. I have worked with many peole that have bipolar personality and when they take care of themselves with medication, theray, exercise, good nutrition, they can lead a fairly normal life, but many of them instead of getting help decide to self medicate with drugs and booze, and that is just not acceptable, when there is a family involved!
Laura Izett-Irwin
10 years ago from The Great Northwest
yes, I agree with you. My husband was like this, but was then diagnosed with major depressive disorder so he takes medication for it. Sometimes they switch meds he is on and that process brings a lot of the past out of him until the new med kicks in. This is also something that people need to know- sometimes it's not shared blame, espcially if it's a mental illness. Many women get blamed for men' anger or bullying behavior. Men will say "YOU make me mad", blaming the wife. THank you for these hubs, I refer to them often.
AUTHORDawn Michael
10 years ago from THOUSAND OAKS
Thank-you for your commentPuebloman and Eiddwen!
Izettl, the one thing that a bully does is he breaks down your self esteem and self worth and makes you feel like you have nowhere to turn. the truth is that you have to pick you and your kids up and go to a woman?s shelter and tell him that you are staying there until he gets help, there is always something that you can do, you have to believe that you can do it, or if you have a place to go where is cant get to or you are safe, friends, parents, church. You have to look at this from a point that he is so insecure that he is bulling you; you need to take back the power and not be a victim. Do you really want the kids to grow up in this atmosphere?
Laura Izett-Irwin
10 years ago from The Great Northwest
I saw this relationship growing up and experienced it some myself and often wondered how people "just leave". If it's not physical abuse, sadly, it is tolerable because your life really isn't in immediate danger. Women who are bullied and burdened by these types of men usually don't have money or means to leave. I see this scenario so often. How do people just leave with kids and no money, sometimes no job, and nowhere else to go? How do they stick up for themselves when it's apparent they have no bargaining power?
Eiddwen
10 years ago from Wales
Loved this one again and I agree you don't get anywhere by screaming and shouting abuse at each other.
puebloman
10 years ago from Andalucia, Spain
Hilarious! Aren't rows usually between two people? Or in your household does one person stand still and suffer while the other lets out?
And how do you get these great photos? Are they courtesy of your neighbours? Who is the little boy with his hands over his ears? Has he been told that he's helping to save marriages?
AUTHORDawn Michael
10 years ago from THOUSAND OAKS
Hi happyher thank-you for the comment and visiting my hub!
Hi akirchner, thank-you for your comment!
Audrey Kirchner
10 years ago from Washington
I always think anyone can be a bully - it takes more of a person to actually work at being polite and kind - no matter HOW many years you have been together! Great article, Dawn!
Tracy Morrow
10 years ago from Cleveland, OH
I love the points you've brought up. There are better ways to communicate without yelling or becoming verbally abusive.
AUTHORDawn Michael
10 years ago from THOUSAND OAKS
thanks Carole (mom) for the comment....lol
Hi rodolphe, thank-you for the comment and I will have to read yours as I have commented on one of your hubs before, I love the honesty in your writing and of course you can link me. All the best!
rodolphe
10 years ago from Montreal,Quebec
I love your new hub page, Its really an eye opener. You are invited to visit my new hub: Ladies, stop it! Oh I have to ask you about this one! I linked the word shouting on my page to your new hub page? They are a bit
similar for the subjects, except mine is just as an amateur and yours as a professional. (a big difference)
If you have any objections to this let me know. My e-mail
is rudycote@gmail. If you want it removed just let me know, and I will remove it right away.
All the best, rodolphe
Carole
10 years ago
Great Dawn. This one really hits home and getting it under control is so important. great hub keep it up
AUTHORDawn Michael
10 years ago from THOUSAND OAKS
ahorseback, yes true, sometimesyou can tell though! thank-you for visiting my hub
Hi Benjimester, thak-you for your comments and I enjoy reading your hubs too!
Hi Daddy Paul yes respect is the foundation that is true with any relationship!
Daddy Paul
10 years ago from Michigan
"the respect and the foundation of the marriage will deteriorate"
Great read. I think respect is a big key.
Benji Mester
10 years ago from San Diego, California
"Do they fly off the handle at work? Do they act this way around friends? Do they act this way in public?" Very excellent questions. Really puts it in perspective. Awesome hub. Bravo!
ahorseback
10 years ago
I have always been amazed at finding out who , among the people we know, are like this, It's also an instant turn off to relating to these people as friends or whatever, for me. Such passive abuse. great hub.
AUTHORDawn Michael
10 years ago from THOUSAND OAKS
Hi Puts Ballard, thank-you for your comment and yes so true about once spoken you cant take back, its better to just keep to your self in the heat of the moment....lol
Putz Ballard
10 years ago
A wise man once told me he gets the last word when arguing with his wife, "Yes Ma'am" Words can't be taken back and once spoken and will return to haunt Great hub.
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